so, my fiance died three weeks ago, exactly one week before our son (my fourth and final child) turned three months old. i need an outlet to heal, vent, distract, help, hurt and repair my self. so now again i am a single mom, of four this time, one with serious disabilities. i will do it! i wont always be strong, as im sure you will read, but i cant let this tragedy take my life. so here i will be all the things i need to be. i will never use a capital,, i over use comas,, and,,,, i love a good run-on sentence.... i write like i speak, weather grammatically correct or not,, and i have a really bad potty mouth.
im 31yrs old, married, separated, engaged, and widowed, sounds pretty tray-la right? well, to me, it sounds like real life. not everyone gets the perfect happily ever after, i mean, what the fuck,, i was happy,,, and bam, hit by a fucking mac truck. watched them do c.p.r. on my fiance, michael. just wasnt enough to bring him back. i have never felt pain like this before. but i dont have the option of falling apart, i still have to raise my kids, but really, id love to crawl in a hole and cry for a good three months, but then i would miss so much of my sons firsts... im in for a fight!
my kids are 11yrs old, 9 yrs old, 7yrs old, and 3months old. so throughout my grief i will also raise my babies. hopefully this will help someone else who is grieving to know they are not alone. so many times we hear about a widow whose children are grown, but not often do we hear about us widows who still have small children. so, if i can survive, anyone can. here we go.......
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